VII

frisson; noun, [free-sohn; French free-sawn]

  1. a sudden, passing sensation of excitement; a shudder of emotion; thrill.

tinkering & listening

i finally found time to burrow myself in a practice room for a few hours. it felt heavenly. it’s been hard being away from my piano, and there’s so much i want to play: bach’s partitas, a new beethoven sonata, chopin preludes, maybe a mozart concerto, liszt/schubert transcriptions, leoš janáček, on an overgrown path. i hope i’ll give myself enough time to learn all of it.

last night i listened to mahler’s fifth again, and it was a glorious thing—i stood up and loosened my fists and holy shit it was hot in the room, sweat beading on my neck, but there was a thick love in my throat, i was so overwhelmed and full of feeling and at that point i realized—music is the best thing that has ever happened to me in my life. i’ll never abandon it. how could i leave something like that behind? something that throws me out of a funk and relaxes my mind and makes me cry into a pillow and encapsulates life’s everlasting rhythm. to have the reassurance of a constant friendship, to have a home that you can always carry around like a little hermit crab—it feels so good and safe.

and now i’m heading back to my cave but if you’re ever in a storm or down under the sea, listen to lou reed’s perfect day or beethoven’s fourth piano concerto or studio ghibli jazz. open up those ears and soak it all in. it’s a crazy, ineffable gift.